


Lost

by queenwinona



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), kylux - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Bottom Kylo Ren, BoyxBoy, Confusion, Dom/sub, Gay, Gore, Kylux Big Bang, Light Dom/sub, M/M, Major Character Injury, Original Plot, Sad, Sex, Temporary Character Death, Top Armitage Hux, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-10
Updated: 2016-12-14
Packaged: 2018-09-07 18:14:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8811064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queenwinona/pseuds/queenwinona
Summary: Kylo Ren and General Hux are two complete opposites. Hux is calm and orderly, while Kylo is unpredictable and angry. But when the First Order is in danger, they must put aside their differences in order to save their empire. While doing this, they discover something underneath their hatred for each other, something that is even more dangerous than what they're fighting for.





	1. Found

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which the general has to retrieve the whiny bitch without getting himself blown up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> original work found here: https://www.wattpad.com/user/elkscarf

Hux shivered and pulled his coat tighter around him as a gust of wind swept through the forest, shaking blankets of snow from the trees. The ground under his feet felt as if it would give way at any second. Sleet pelted him and he flinched, clenching his teeth and bowing his head against the wind.

"Ren!" he shouted, "Where are you?"

He heard a faint moan of pain over the howling wind and he charged forward, sharp eyes scanning the forest for any sign of movement. He pulled out his blaster just in case, stepping carefully around a large boulder.

"Ren? Is that you?" He rounded a large tree and there was Kylo Ren, sobbing and shaking in a pool of his own blood.

"Ren!" Hux yelled, dropping to his knees beside him. He began to lift him up but, with a shriek, Ren pushed him off and scrambled back. Hux caught a glimpse of a huge, bleeding gash burned across his face. His eyes were wild and his face was distorted with fear and agony.

"Who are you?" He shouted over the wind, his voice shaking almost as bad as he was.

Hux stopped short, taken aback. "What?"

Ren eyed him with distaste, pulling his coat tighter around himself and yelling again, "Who are you?"

"Ren, don't be stupid," Hux spat, grabbing for Kylo's arm, but he jerked it away. 

"Don't touch me! Tell me who you are!"

"I'm Hux, idiot! General Hux! Come on, get up," Hux got up, eyeing their surroundings nervously. The trees were shaking and there was a horrible roaring sound that rumbled deep in the planet's core. He noticed with a jolt that not ten feet from where Ren was laying, a deep trench gaped open, its unseen depths promising death to anyone who fell in.

"Ren!" Hux cried over the howling wind and the roaring planet. "Get up, we have to go!" He grabbed Kylo Ren's hand and jerked him up, throwing an arm around his waist to support him. Ren gasped in pain, trying to shove Hux off of him, but Hux held tight, moving his arm down and wrapping it securely around Kylo's hip. He towed his superior along, noticing how surprisingly light he was. Ren's arm hung limply at his side, and his head dropped to the side, resting on Hux's shoulder.

Hux tugged Kylo along, trying to quicken his pace. The roaring was almost deafening; he could practically feel the planet ripping itself apart. A crack appeared under his feet, snaking through the snow and making the ground lurch dangerously. Hux could see the red lights of the ship up ahead. It hovered over the breaking planet, angled carefully so that the ramp touched the snowy ground.

They reached the ship and Hux scrambled up the steps, prying Kylo off him and pushing him down onto the waiting medical capsule. Kylo moaned, clutching at his face and clenching his jaw. Hux watched him ball his hand into a fist and dig it into his side, which was darkened with blood, gasping at the sudden stab of pain. 

"Clean him up," he instructed, looking at Kylo fully for the first time. The laceration on his face looked bad, the flesh slightly charred and the blood gummy. It had come dangerously close to his eye, missing it by perhaps a few centimeters. It was deep, too; Hux was so worked up he convinced himself that he'd seen a strip of raw muscle, which sent his spine into shivers and forced him to sit down until he could regain his bearings.

Although the ship was warm, Hux was frigid as he marched briskly down the winding corridor that led to his quarters, his head filled with a mess of questions. His mind hadn't even processed the fact that Starkiller Base was gone. He supposed he was in shock, but shock didn't seem like a strong enough word to express what he was experiencing. Remorse? Resent? Perhaps even... grief? Hux quickly pushed that thought aside, reminding himself to stay within reason. After all, there was no room for sentiment in the First Order.

Hux straightened himself regally as he passed by a junior officer who had stopped tapping at a data pad and nodded at the passing general. Hux took a deep, reassuring breath once he was out of sight, reminding himself that he was still the highest ranking general in command besides Ren.

He reached his quarters quickly, swiping his wrist over the scanner that was outfitted on the wall at easily-accessible level. The thin metal doors slid open and Hux stepped inside, relishing in the comforting sound of the doors sliding shut behind him.

He breathed out a long sigh, looking around his orderly little room. His hat still hung on its hook from where he had left it after his speech prior to the destruction of the Hosnian system. He had been so full of hope then. Now it was all dashed away by that simple, yet fatal mistake.

Someone had warned Hux about placing the thermal oscillator at such an attainable position, but Hux had ignored them. He thought that if they doubled up security on that half of the planet, it would be safe, but unfortunately, the Resistance had been the one to prove them wrong.

Hux took off his greatcoat, hanging it on the peg next to his hat, and began to undress, thinking a warm shower would be all that he needed. He knew he faced a shitstorm tomorrow-- what with Snoke being furious with him and Kylo Ren being all healed up and ready to bitch-- he might not even make it through the morning.


	2. Infection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which our favourite ginger finds himself in a very sticky situation

Hux slept restlessly that night.

He woke up at approximate hour intervals, his stomach in unexplainable knots. He almost took some of the sleeping aids that were hidden away up in his cabinet, but thought better of it. Those pills would knock him into a dead sleep for at least eight hours, and it was already nearing the time he would have to get up and report to his daily meeting.

Hux let out an agrivated groan, rolling over and punching his pillow into a more comfortable shape. He watched his ginger cat, Millicent, prance quietly over to the small alcove where she slept. She noiselessly settled herself into the fleece blanket that lined the alcove and rested her head daintily on her paws, watching Hux with curious green eyes.

Hux cracked what could have been a smile if he had not been so tired, closing his eyes and pulling the thin blanket up to his chin. He felt himself beginning to drift off, and he pushed his head further into the pillow, not wanting to delay this oncoming bout of sleep.

Outside his window, a comet shot by, or perhaps another spaceship, leaving a trail of stardust in its wake.

* * * *

Hux woke up suddenly, knowing something was wrong by the feeling in the pit of his stomach. He got up and dressed quickly, creeping silently out into the darkened corridor. He peered around him, at the panneled walls with their switches and knobs. The safety lights flickered on overhead as he walked farther down the hall, but he turned them off at the nearest control panel, not wanting to bring attention to himself.

Silently, Hux made his way to the entrance to Ren's quarters. He hesitated at the door, conflicted over whether to knock or turn and go back to bed.

Suddenly, a muffled scream errupted from inside. "Damn it!" Hux flashed his ID badge in front of the scanner and the door slid open. Inside, Kylo was sprawled on the floor, clutching at his side and moaning. His face, half hidden by a bacta bandage, was twisted in agony.

Hux rushed towards Ren and skidded down beside him. "What's wrong?" he yelled, although it was very clear what was wrong.

Ren buried his face in a pillow beside him and let out a wail. 

Hux, his hands shaking badly, began pulling away the bandage that was pasted to Kylo's side. As he pulled away the last layer, it stuck a bit and the other man yelped, pulling away from him.

"Hold still!" Hux yelled, agitated. He moved a little closer so he could see the wound. It was definately infected. The lesion was open and deep, the flesh surrounding it bruised and swollen. Tendrils of red infection snaked out from it, spiderwebbing and tangling with veins that pressed against raw skin. The smell was overpowering and Hux had to throw his arm up over his nose and mouth in an attempt to block it out.

"I..." Hux had no idea what to do first. Try to get the swelling down? Clean it? Rebandage it?

Kylo had somewhat calmed down and was on his back, panting and letting out grunts of pain. Hux fumbled in his jacket for the emergency antihistamine injector he'd nicked from the medbay. He pulled the stopper off the needle and grabbed Ren's arm, digging his thumb into the flesh in search of a vein. He found one, glancing quickly up at the writhing man in front of him before puncturing the vein and pushing down on the plunger. Hux sat back on his heels and spoke into the com on his wrist as the medicine began to take effect.

"Medical assistance requested immediately. Kylo Ren's quarters, floor six. Code 23."

The com fizzed with static and then came a bland reply, "Copy that. Medics are on the way."

Ren's eyelids began to droop and he pulled over a pillow, jamming it under his uninjured side. He reached up to feel the wound, whimpering a little when he touched the tender skin that was covered with a sticky layer of bacta. Hux swatted at his hand. "Stop touching it, you'll make it worse." 

Ren made a face and tucked his arm underneath him. Hux sat down heavily, sighing as he did so. He looked out the window of the ship at the vast expanse of cold space. He felt the familiar pang as he remembered the fate of Starkiller Base. He sighed again, feeling horrible. His eyes drifted to Ren, who was playing with his fingers. Hux watched as Kylo lazily traced the bones in his hand, noticing that he had really nice hands, something that he would never dare say aloud. The skin was soft and smooth, unblemished except for a small freckle on his ring finger. Hux looked absentmindedly at his own hands, which he was always hid underneath gloves. There wasn't anything really wrong with them, they were just too feminine; yet another fault that he had been self-conscious about for years.

"Can I get you anything?"

The silence was shattered by Hux's blurted comment, which at first he didn't even realize he'd said. Kylo rolled over to stare wildly at Hux. He hadn't even been thinking, the words had just tumbled out. There was a difficult silence. Neither man knew what to make of what had just happened. Kylo rolled back over awkwardly while Hux blushed furiously, hating himself for even opening his mouth.

There was a faint crash from somewhere down below them, probably cargo spilling in the belly of the ship. Hux would have to talk to the troopers in charge down there about keeping the goods more stable. This had to be the third time this week something had fallen over and broken. Honestly, it was like they were trying to wreck his ship.

Ren mumbled something, bringing Hux back from his thoughts.

"What?"

He shook his head. "We used to be friends," he pointed at his side, "And now this."

"What are you talking about?" Hux inquired exasperatedly.

"I used to sit on his shoulders." Ren had rolled over once more but wasn't looking at Hux; his eyes were far away, in another time.

"Ren, just shut up. I don't even know what you're talking about."

"The Wookiee, Hux!" Kylo said, now staring straight at him. "He... shot me. He shot me, oh stars, he shot me..." he dissolved into hysterics, seizing Hux's hand and clutching it to his bandaged face. Hux wondered mildly where the medics were, his other hand finding Kylo's back and patting it awkwardly.

"And-- and--" he sobbed, "He probably hates me and--"

"Ren, stop. Stop crying. You're making it worse. It's okay, just stop crying. Listen to me. Stop. Crying," But nothing Hux could say would cease the flow of tears from the darker-haired man. Hux lapsed into silence and kept patting his back.

Eventually, Kylo quieted down and there was a silence between them that for once wasn't awkward. He shifted some, getting more comfortable. His head was almost on Hux's lap, which only slightly repulsed him. He didn't want to move him, fearing this action might trigger another explosion of grief, which Hux wasn't sure he was emotionally prepared for.

He looked down at Kylo and wondered how he'd ever become leader. It wasn't in an insulting way that he wondered this, it was just curiosity. How could someone with as many emotional dips as Kylo Ren ever be respected as an authority?

Then again, Hux reminded himself, he wasn't respected. There was always talk amongst the employees of him; how he was a baby, how he cried or threw tantrums when things didn't go his way. Oddly enough, as much as Hux despised the man who was now dozing on his lap, there was definitely something loveable about him. He found himself liking the way Kylo needed someone whom would listen to him, someone he could cry on. Someone he needed. And that was all Hux really wanted. He wanted to be needed, to be a necessity in someone's life, because he'd never received that when he was growing up. He was taught what was necessary, then left to his own devices.

Never had he felt like he mattered, not even when he became general. There was always a hole that could never be filled, or so he thought. As he looked down at his superior, he thought about what it would be like to be besotted with him. Surely it couldn't be that bad. Hux had never felt love before, not for his mother, definitely not for his father, and not for anyone he had ever seen or met.

Hux had always assumed that he would be wed into a loveless, arranged marriage between himself and a woman of royalty. It was nearing time when the topic of marriage would begin to be discussed regarding the general, something that he deeply dreaded.

It wasn't that he didn't want to be married-- in fact, he just wanted it to happen so it would be over with--but he was more focused on his work than anything. He didn't want his wife (he hated even thinking the word) to feel as abandoned and unwanted as his own mother had, but he feared that if he were to get married, that would be exactly what would happen.

He let out a small sigh. He doubted that Ren even had feelings for him. Hux even doubted that he himself had feelings for his superior. Perhaps it was the serious lack of sleep that was making him delusional. And in the rare event that they both had feelings for each other, it would never be allowed. It would have to be behind closed doors, and that seemed even more impossible than the event of them fancying each other in the first place.

It was simply not meant to be, Hux concluded sadly. He was overcome with the sudden urge to rest his head on Ren's shoulder, even if he woke up moments later and smacked the shit out of Hux, it would be better to know than to play this infuriating guessing game. 

With a groan, Hux thumped his head against the wall in agitation. He hated having feelings for people.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> good morning starshines, what do you think of the new chapter? do you like the subtle hints at hux's struggles with addiction, or do you think i should tackle that head-on in a new chapter later in the book? please give me some feedback, it would be very appreciated. the new chapter should be up by tomorrow!


	3. Intrusion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which the general becomes incredibly bothered by his superior's nosiness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi starshines, this is going to be the last chapter for a little while - or at least until i finish exams. i've immensely enjoyed writing this so far and i hope you all have enjoyed reading it. next update should be in a week or two.

The medics came rushing in a few minutes after Hux's revelation. He found himself incredibly miffed at them for not arriving faster, and as soon as he had made sure Kylo was secured on the medical capsule, he let the remaining medics have it. 

"He could have died! Why didn't you keep him in hospital for longer? You knew this was going to happen! What took you so long? You're completely useless!" After about ten minutes of this, Hux felt himself wearing down, and the medics looked utterly terrified, so he stopped yelling, told them that they would be working night shift for the next month, and sent them away.

Hux didn't really know what to do with himself then. He knew he should he get back to his quarters and try to get some sleep, but he had no desire to move. He looked around the room, at the soiled bandages, the spatters and drips of blood on the sheets. He saw the twisted and burned mask of Darth Vader that Ren had somehow managed to nab from Starkiller Base, sitting on a shelf built into the wall. 

Hux shuddered a little, turning away from the mask. He looked around the room again, then lifted the com on his wrist to his mouth and called for a clean-up team. He left the room, walking briskly back down the hallway despite his drowsiness. He got to the door, flashed his ID card in front of the scanner, and collapsed on his bed, not even bothering to change out of his day clothes. The general closed his eyes and was immediately fast asleep.

* * *

Hux woke up the next morning feeling hungover. He groaned and rolled over, feeling like he was a teenager again; a tired, unhealthy teenager.

He got up with difficulty, taking a quick shower and hurriedly dressing himself in his uniform. Once he left his quarters, he strode briskly down the hall to the control room. However, doing so required him to pass by the hospital wing. Hux stopped in the doorway, debating whether to come in or not. Just then a medic walked by, and seeing the general, told him that Ren was recovering nicely; that he had come to just around dawn, and he was scheduled to come out of the healing chamber in a few hours. Hux just nodded stupidly, and moved forward to see him.

The healing chamber was a large glass bubble that encased Ren's entire body. He was still wearing his black garments from last night, although they has been sliced open at his side, exposing the wound. It looked better, just a large purple gash now. It seemed to be knitting itself back together. Hux wondered dumbly why they couldn't use the healing chamber on his face, but he didn't really feel like asking anyone.

Ren's eyes were closed, his dark lashes fluttering lightly. His face was peaceful as he slept, and Hux couldn't help but stare at the small marks that adorned his face. His curly tangles of hair wreathed his face, contrasting with his pale skin. He was clean-shaven, as always, and Hux self-consciously rubbed his hand over his own ginger stubble. The com on his wrist fizzed, and a monotone voice came over, "General Hux, your presence is requested in today's meeting."

Hux sighed, pressing the com and speaking into it. "Copy that. I'm on my way." 

With one final look at the comatose Ren, Hux swept away.

The meeting, as usual, was horribly long and boring. Captain Phasma was discussing a new training system she had thought up for the stormtroopers, and some new guy was showing plans that he had for a base that he claimed would be "Twice as deadly as the Starkiller". 

Hux thought the plans were pretty good, that is, until he heard the price. He had been sipping carefully on some hot coffee and had taken a dangerously large sip, all of which he swallowed very quickly, resulting in his throat feeling like he had just downed a vat of acid. 

"Four hundred thousand credits?! That's ridiculous! We can't pay that much! We don't even have that much!" Hux shouted hoarsely.

"I-I'm sorry, sir, perhaps there is some way to lower the cost--"

"There'd better be!" Hux snapped, feeling the familiar hopelessness beginning to creep in. He tried to regulate his breathing, knowing he had to get out of that stuffy room, quickly.

He rose quickly, his chair scooting back rather violently. "If I may be excused," he said quietly, not waiting for a reply before he left the room. He didn't even know where his feet were carrying him until he came to a stop at the entrance to Paddock Nine. Hux always went there when he needed to think or when he couldn't sleep. 

He flashed his ID card over the scanner and the doors quietly slid open. Paddock Nine wasn't really a paddock. In fact, it wasn't even that big. It was a room with a large window and window seat. Hux's pillows and sheets were still here from the last time he had a restless night. The window faced west, and was currently displaying a expanse of cold, dark space, spattered with tiny pinpricks of light from stars and larger dots of bluish light from planets. Hux didn't know what system they were in, but it was beautiful. There was a collection of stars that were tinted with blotchy purple; the beginning of a supernova. Hux sat down on the padded window seat, stuffing a pillow behind him so he could lean against the wall. The edge of a planet was just coming into view, bathing the ship in a soft orange glow.

Hux always felt strangely peaceful here. It was cozy; warm but not stuffy, comfortable but not frilly. It was his private room, only his. He had even bribed the technicians to only allow his ID card to enter. The walls were a simple dull grey that seemed to change colour with the scenes outside the window. Right now they had just the slightest hint of orange, giving the room the effect of warmth.

The all-too-familiar sound of a door sliding open came from behind him. Hux spun around and there stood Ren, leaning against the door, wearing his perpetual expression of annoyance. 

"What the hell are you doing here?"

Rage flared up in Hux. "This is my room, Ren, what are you doing here?"

"Shouldn't you be at work?" Kylo said easily, striding into the room and sitting across from Hux.

"Shouldn't you be in hospital?" Hux said coldly.

Ren waved his hand carelessly. "I'm fine. They left me in the hamster ball for too long, so I took it upon myself to get out."

"How did you get in here?"

"Being me has its benefits," Kylo said simply, looking out the window.

"Get out."

Kylo's head whipped around and he glared daggers at Hux. "No. I don't think I will. This is my room as much as it is yours, General." He spat the last word like it was poison.

"No, it's not! Only my card can enter this room, therefore it's mine."

"Actually, it's neither of ours, because we didn't build it. So technically, it belongs to whoever built it." Ren said bossily.

At that very moment, Hux was overcome with the sudden urge to strangle his superior. "But it's my room. I paid for it."

Kylo smirked darkly. "You're acting like a five-year-old again, General. I really think you should do something about it."

"Fuck you," Hux snarled, drawing his legs up closer around him.

Kylo hummed a little, looking out the window. He tapped his fingers on the glass, smudging it a little. Hux gritted his teeth, sitting in strained silence. Then he began doing complicated movements with his fingers, dotting the window with more smudges.

"No. Stop, that is stupid." Hux snapped.

"Stop what?" Ren asked, annoyed.

"You're smudging the window. What is wrong with you?" Hux hissed, leaning over Ren to wipe the window with his sleeve. Kylo froze as Hux leaned over him, leaving his hand on the window. Hux smacked it away, grumbling. He tucked his hand into the crook of his arm and watched Hux wipe the smudges away. His eyes studied Hux's brow, which was furrowed in concentration, his tongue poking out of the corner of his mouth. A light dusting of freckles was visible across the bridge of his nose in the soft orange light.

Hux pulled away to find Ren staring at him. "What?" he snapped, self-conscious.

"Nothing! Stars, is it a crime to look at people?" Kylo sneered.

Hux rolled his eyes, looking out the window again. He saw Ren's fingers start moving again out of the corner of his eye. "Don't touch that window!" Hux warned, pointing an accusing finger at him.

"I'm not!"

"No, I saw you, you were going to!"

"I wasn't!"

"You were!"

Kylo let out an agrivated groan. "Whatever! I'm tired, move over." Ren laid down on his side, facing away from Hux.

"You can't sleep here," Hux said defensively.

"Says who?"

"Me!"

"I don't care what you say," Ren said smartly, shifting around some, getting comfortable.

Hux glared down at Kylo with distaste, pulling a tablet from his pocket and bringing up the blueprints for the new ship. He did some calculations, looking around in the ship's digital inventory for any spare parts that could be sold. Hux couldn't stand low quality, but right now the First Order couldn't afford anything fancy.

After an hour or two, Hux shut off his tablet with a sigh, staring down at Ren. His thick curls splayed out around him, falling softly over his face. Hux wondered if his hair was soft. It looked soft. Before he knew what he was doing, Hux was weaving his fingers into Kylo's dark hair. It was fairly soft, and it probably would have been softer if it wasn't so tangled. Hux didn't know if Kylo could feel it or not; if he could, he wasn't making any protests about it.

Hux felt his eyes begin to droop. He leaned his head against the window, looking out into space. Below him, Kylo Ren was wide awake, trying to memorize what Hux's slim fingers felt like in his hair.


End file.
